


The Furthest From Heaven, The Closest To Hell

by Polarnacht



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst, Blood Drinking, Blood Kink, Bottom Alec Lightwood, Bottom Jace Wayland, Canon-Typical Violence, Cemetery, Character Turned Into Vampire, Childe/Sire Bond(s), First Kiss, First Time, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Happy Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Outdoor Sex, Parabatai Bond, Pre-Canon, Rough Sex, Smut, Switching, Top Alec Lightwood, Top Jace Wayland, Vampire Alec Lightwood, Vampire Bites, Vampire Jace Wayland, Vampire Sex, Vampire Turning, parabatai love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:28:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28917594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polarnacht/pseuds/Polarnacht
Summary: In the heat of a mission, Alec hurts Jace with words he has never meant to say. The aftermath of their fight forces them to deal with hidden and buried emotions they both hold for the other, enabling them finally to admit that they love each other. The weeks after that they spend in a perfect bubble, until a mission gone havoc bursts it. When Jace finds Alec, he is close to death - nearly killed by Vampires. Unable to live without Alec, Jace decides to turn him into a Vampire. With the turning, new problems arise; Alec is afraid of hurting Jace, so he pushes him away. But Jace has a plan to solve this issue...
Relationships: Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland
Comments: 46
Kudos: 55





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kissa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kissa/gifts).



> For Kissa - Happy Birthday you awesome human being! Hope you'll have an amazing day and you'll enjoy this little gift!
> 
> A huge thank you to Jessa who beta'd this whole fic 💙 You are the best!
> 
> You absolutely have to check out the amazing art created by Jessa - just follow the link below under the works inspried by section!

It all started with rumours. Rumours that the Lightwoods hadn’t been happy at all about having to take in a stranger. A boy they hadn’t met before. The boy of a Parabatai who was long forgotten, buried under a thick layer of guilt and shame. Something especially Robert wanted to keep that way. 

Alec had no idea who had started the rumours and why now. He just knew all of a sudden they were there, a few days after Jace’s 18th birthday. Jace just laughed them off, his true feelings hidden under his mask of arrogance and cockiness. And when laughing didn’t help, Jace punched the rumours out of the person that dared to voice them aloud. But Alec knew that Jace was hurt. Even though he would never let it shine through, hiding them deep within. Even hiding them from him. They never spoke about these rumours, Jace too afraid of learning that they were true, Alec too unsure if they weren’t right. 

It had always struck him as odd that his parents had burdened themselves with another child, as they never seemed too overly excited about having to deal with their own children. Alec just knew that he had been thrilled at the prospect of having another boy live with them. Izzy was great, but she was so young. And this excitement had never faded. On the contrary, it had grown, transforming into so much more than pure excitement. Into trust. Into friendship. Into love. It had transformed until Alec couldn’t even think of himself without thinking of Jace as well.

And that’s why he knew that Jace was hurt, but he had no idea what to do about it. It also didn’t help that lately Alec felt a strange, constant push and pull in their bond. A push and pull he couldn’t explain, and which felt different to everything he had felt before in it. But at least here Alec knew when it had started. It had started at Jace's birthday, when he had insisted on going out into the Mundane world, insisted on Alec joining. And of course Alec had. 

Alec had stood at the bar, a drink in hand, watching Izzy and Jace dance. It had been like so often, they had fun and he just stood and watched. But suddenly, it hadn’t been like all the other times before. Not at all. Because Jace had danced, but he hadn’t looked at his dancing partner. He had looked at Alec with an intensity and a gleam in his eyes that had taken Alec’s breath away. Jace had looked at him. Directly into his eyes. While his body had moved slowly to the music, his hips swaying and circling to the steady beat, snapping up in a lascivious rhythm. His tongue had darted out to lick over his slightly parted lips, gathering small drops of sweat. And not once had Jace looked away. His eyes had been glued to his own and Alec had not been able to look away. He had just stared back, swallowing hard. Not knowing where to keep his hands or thoughts. 

Just when the music was about to change and Alec had been sure that Jace would make his way through the crowd towards him, the whole atmosphere shifted. A Vampire had dared to make a move towards Izzy and had not taken her no for an answer. The Vampire had learned painfully that _no_ meant _no_ when suddenly he was surrounded by three angry Shadowhunters; Izzy still angry at the Vampire for ignoring her will _and_ her brothers for not letting her handle her own business. Alec was angry because someone had dared to molest his little sister, and had also interrupted whatever had been going on with Jace. And well, Jace? For the first time in a long time, Alec couldn’t tell why Jace was angry.

But ever since then, there was a tension between them. In them. It felt like the bond was tugging at them, nudging them, but Alec had no idea in which direction. Oh, he _knew_ what he hoped the nudging meant. He had known for a while now, actually known for years, if he was honest. He wanted Jace. He wanted Jace in all the wrong ways. He wanted Jace to pull him closer. He wanted Jace to bite the Deflect rune on his neck, to suck a bruise right next to it. He wanted Jace to kiss him breathless until all Alec could taste was Jace. He wanted Jace to do so much more than kiss him. He wanted Jace to touch him, breach him, make him come undone. Make him come. And ever since Jace had danced as if he was fucking someone, and had looked at Alec _like that_ at the same time, a part of Alec wondered if Jace didn’t want that too. But it couldn't be, could it? Jace was his Parabatai. So Alec ignored the nudging, tugging and pulling. He didn’t give in. Instead, he pushed back. Unknowingly increasing the tension between them until there were only two ways left. Explode or implode. 

* * *

Alec was furious. He was covered in ichor and blood and his whole body was aching. And Jace had the audacity to laugh. Not laugh with him. _At_ him. 

“You should have seen your face when that demon exploded above you,” Jace grinned at Alec, his whole body shaking with not so silent laughter. “Here.” Jace handed him his jacket. “You got a little something on your face. Or maybe a little more.” Jace let his eyes roam shamelessly over Alec’s body. _Of course_ Jace’s gear and face were spotless. He looked as if he had just stepped out of a shower. The only signs of Jace having fought several nasty demons were his slightly tousled hair and his flushed cheeks. Which made him look even better and let Alec feel his own inadequacies even more.

“That’s because I needed to save _your_ ass. Because you always run headfirst into danger. You’re fucking reckless.” Alec spat at Jace with way more heat than the actual situation required. 

“Reckless? Come on, Alec. Relax. We had this.” Jace raised an eyebrow at him, but his lips were still curled into an amused smile. 

“Relax? Don’t you dare, Jace. I can never relax because you always act like nothing can get to you. It’s always me who has to watch out for you and for Izzy.” Alec sat up, wiping angrily at his dirty face with Jace’s useless jacket. The ichor was sticky and the blood already started to dry on his skin. 

“Oh right. Without you, we would never win. I can very well handle myself. And Izzy too. Just _relax_ for once, Alec.” The amusement was replaced by annoyance now, but this was nothing against what Alec felt. _Relax?_ He _was_ fucking relaxed. But if Jace would follow rules for just once - if Jace would do what Alec asked for just once - he would be so much more relaxed.

“Well, Jace, Izzy is _my_ sister, you might not know what-” As soon as the words left Alec’s mouth, he knew he had screwed up. Knew he had said words that had truly pierced Jace’s armor and hit him unprepared. Alec didn’t need the pang of pain in their bond to know that. He didn’t need to see the flash of hurt that was washing over Jace’s features before he closed off. But of course he felt it. Saw it. And though he wished he could take back the words with all his heart, it was too late. He had said them before he had been able to stop himself. 

“ _Your_ sister, Alec, huh? All right. Got your message. Loud and clear.” With that, Jace turned, leaving the run-down house they had hunted the demon in without looking back. Without listening to Alec’s pleas for him to stay and hear him out. 

* * *

The cold air outside hit Jace by surprise, just as Alec’s words had hit him a few moments before. He swore under his breath when he realized he had tossed Alec his jacket and had now nothing but a thin shirt to protect himself against the cold February air. But that was not enough to make him turn, and neither were Alec’s pleas for him to stay. Instead of staying, he activated his Speed rune and started to run. 

He had always feared that he was more a tolerated guest than a wanted family member, and the last days had proven him right. He had hoped that at least Alec saw him differently, but his words just cemented that he didn’t. _My_ sister. The words pulsated in his brain like the blood in his ears. Jace didn’t know where he should run to, he just knew he wanted to get away. Away from the thoughts. Away from the pain. Away from Alec. And this thought hurt even more than everything else as he had never thought that wanting to be away from Alec would ever be a state he would be in. 

But something had changed since his birthday. Something he knew he had set in motion by staring at Alec with all the want and need he had felt for him for a while now. Something he couldn’t take back but wanted to, as it had changed things between him and Alec. For a moment, in the middle of the sticky dance floor inside the cheap Mundane club, Jace had thought Alec felt the same. For a moment, he had thought he saw the same heat and want reflected in Alec’s eyes, and from the way Alec had swallowed to the way he had licked his lips. But the moment had passed, disturbed by a fucking Vampire. And Alec had acted strangely ever since then. Jace even felt something in their bond that hadn’t been there before. A pull. Or something similar. He had tried to give into it but something had pushed him back. He knew now what it had been. Or rather, he knew who: Alec. He didn’t want whatever Jace had set in motion. Time to accept it and move on. 

Without realizing it, Jace had run to the Institute. He huffed angrily, but was also too tired to turn around. So he just slipped in, but didn’t head to his room. His room smelled too much like Alec, who spent every other night there. Nearly every night. And though Jace would not voice it aloud, he just slept so much better with Alec curled up next to him. Though, every night, it took him every ounce of his self-restraint not to curl up _into_ Alec. Or do more. Like pull him close. Bite his Deflect rune. Suck bruises into his skin, just right next to it. Kiss Alec senseless until they didn’t taste like Alec and Jace anymore but just like _them_. Touch Alec, breach him. Make him come undone. Make him come. 

Jace shook his head, angry at himself. That was exactly why he didn't go to his room. He went to the rooftop, not caring about the cold February air. He still wore only his thin longsleeve but he didn’t really register the cold. He didn’t really hide but he definitely wouldn’t mind not being found. He just wanted to be alone for sometime, until he was able to bring his walls up again. To not show Alec how much his words had hurt him. So that maybe they could go back to the old normal. Before he had danced and Alec had watched. 

* * *

Alec sighed when he found Jace’s room empty. Jace had been too quick or Alec too slow, but when he had been out of the house and on the street, Jace had already been gone without a trace. Alec had just hoped that Jace had run to the Institute to curl up in his - their - bed. Hoped that he would find him here to be able to apologize and somehow make up for what he had said but not meant. Though Jace was not his brother, he was Izzy’s. As much as he himself was. 

Alec sighed again, but decided to shower first before he went to find Jace. He was dirty, the ichor and blood were itchy and he had started to smell. And part of him still hoped that when he had finished showering, Jace would show up anyway. That’s why he just stayed in Jace’s room and used the bathroom there. But when he was done, the room was still way too empty and there was no sign of Jace. Alec pulled some of his spare clothes out of Jace’s wardrobe before he closed his eyes to concentrate on their bond.

Not to his surprise, but to his dismay, he felt a resistance in it, as soon as he dived deeper into it. Jace didn’t want him to reach him. And normally, they both respected that, giving the other privacy when needed. But today, Alec didn’t. He pushed himself, and the bond, until he knew where Jace was. If he was honest, he probably should have known even without the bond. 

Alec’s heart sank when he saw the lonely figure crouched down in one corner of the rooftop. Quietly he approached it, sinking a little more when Jace didn’t react at all. He didn’t look up or tense. He just kept staring at the spot in front of him. 

“What do you want, Alec?” Each syllable clung to the frigid air, visible in the cold, and Alec registered Jace's blue hands and lips. Alec cursed at himself for not thinking to bring a spare jacket. Jace’s jacket was in his room, smeared with blood and ichor. Alec shrugged out of his own, offering it to Jace.

“Here, take the jacket. You’re freezing.” 

Jace just snorted. “You came here to bring me your jacket? How thoughtful of you.” He ignored Alec’s outstretched arm and the jacket. But if Jace was stubborn, so was Alec. He shoved it into Jace’s face so that the other had no other choice but to take it.

“I am actually here to apologize. What I said about Iz-” Alec said, but got interrupted.

“No need to apologize for saying the truth, Alec.” Jace held the jacket now without putting it on. Alec could have sworn he heard a light chattering of teeth. “Your parents didn’t want me but were forced to take me in. Because apparently that is what you do when your Parabatai dies and leaves a kid behind no one else wants. But this doesn’t make Izzy my sister. Or you my brother.” Jace added after a moment of thought. 

“We’re not brothers, that is true. We’re Parabatai.” Alec nudged a little at Jace, kicking him with his boot. But Jace just moved a little further away - still refusing the jacket. “Jace, could you just slip into the fucking jacket? Your lips are blue!” 

“Since when do you swear?” Jace asked teasingly, slipping back into the ease they had shared before. Before everything had gone downhill with just one stare. But he complied and put it on. “Satisfied? Leave me alone now.” The ease was gone as suddenly as it had come.

“I’m not leaving.” Alec scooted a little closer, nudging Jace again with his foot. “We’re Parabatai, Jace.” Alec repeated, as Jace hadn’t said anything to that.

“And I bet you regret it every single day since our ceremony. And don’t lie to me, you wanted to say no. Izzy talked you into it. You nearly didn’t show up.” Jace gave back, not looking at Alec but fixating on the same spot he had watched intently the whole time. 

Alec blushed. It was true. He had thought of saying no. He had had reasons for that. Reasons that were still true. Reasons he still couldn’t voice. 

“Well, then. Why don’t you just leave, Alec? I have your damn jacket and won’t freeze to death so just go. I don’t want you here.” Jace still didn’t look at Alec.

The words hurt, but there was also not much Alec could say to change Jace’s mind. Not without saying the words he had bitten back for so long now. “Then at least let me give you a Heating rune.”

“Fine,” Jace agreed, though the huff was clearly audible.

Carefully, Alec scooted closer to push Jace’s shirt up, exposing his abdomen and revealing goosebumps. Jace’s skin was cold to the touch and Alec rubbed soothingly over the skin, before he pressed the stele down to draw the rune. A small moan escaped Jace when the rune started to burn, but to Alec’s satisfaction his skin started to look a little healthier and his lips turned pink. 

“Why do you always do this?” Jace asked, still avoiding looking at Alec with the same stubbornness he had used to avoid the jacket beforehand. 

“What?” Alec asked perplexedly, truly at a loss as to what Jace meant right now.

“The runing. Why do you always place the runes on my belly? Or my upper body. My hip. Never my arms. And you always brush over my skin before. And after.” 

Alec’s blush from before resurfaced immediately when looking down at his thumb that indeed was brushing over the newly drawn rune. Why did he do that? Because it was the only time he was allowed to touch Jace. To touch him gently in places he had otherwise no business touching. Only when they trained and fought. But never tenderly. He did it because he was finally allowed to see him and really _look._ And not just pretend that he didn’t see how beautiful Jace was, how his muscles moved under his skin when he trained with a bare chest.

“You know what, nevermind. I’m leaving.” Jace was about to stand up when Alec’s hand shot up, grabbing his wrist and pulling him back.

“Please, Jace, don’t.” Alec’s voice was barely audible. _Please don’t. Don’t leave me now. Us._ Because Alec knew if Jace left now, everything would change. Inevitably change. And not for the better.

“Why not, Alec?” Jace finally looked at him, and what Alec saw in his eyes took his breath away like he had thought only Jace’s kiss could. The love and hope he saw were so pure and _there_ that it was just impossible that Alec made them up. So what Alec couldn’t say, he just _did._ He leaned in and kissed Jace. 

Jace’s lips were still cold and somehow rough and soft at the same time. Alec swallowed greedily the surprised sound Jace was making in the back of his throat while he just kept pressing his lips against Jace's, even started to move. The kiss was everything Alec had ever dreamed of. He had never kissed someone before, never even given someone a peck besides Izzy, but it just felt right. Jace’s hand found its way in his hair and he was pleased when Jace opened his lips and slipped his tongue exploratively into his mouth. The pressure of Jace’s lips against his was sweet and yet a little demanding, leaving Alec yearning for more. More of Jace’s lips, more of his little moans and more of his hands. His own hand was roaming over Jace’s chest, mapping out his pecs and the runes Alec knew were there, as he had placed them there carefully. 

Alec had been nervous, but kissing Jace was the most natural thing to do. He just kissed him without wondering whether he used too much teeth, too much tongue, or too little. He knew it didn’t matter. What mattered was that their lips were pressed together and that Jace didn’t want to go any longer, but wanted to stay. What mattered was Jace’s hand in his hair, that tugged and kneaded, and Jace’s other hand, that pulled at him until he found himself sitting in Jace’s lap, still kissing him. Still exploring his chest. Jace’s knees came up so that Alec was encaged between his legs and chest and Alec knew he wanted him to stay there forever. 

For a moment, Jace stopped kissing him to just look at him. But before Alec’s guts could turn into a nervous knot, Jace closed his eyes and kissed him again. He nibbled at his bottom lip. This time it was him who made the needy sound in the back of his throat and Jace smiled, but never stopped kissing him. 

Their second kiss was as good as their first, maybe even better. Because where second kisses were, there would be a third; and Alec let himself truly enjoy everything. While his tongue licked over Jace’s inner cheeks teasingly, he realized that Jace tasted like he smelled. Like lemons and raspberries and _home._ Because that was what Jace was to him. 

Just when Alec felt Jace shiver beneath him, he drew away a little. “You’re still freezing.” 

“I don’t care.” Jace pulled Alec down again and Alec gave in, but only until the next shiver ran over Jace’s body. 

“Jace. You _are_ freezing. Let’s get inside. Into our room.” Alec looked pointedly at him, this time not giving in to Jace’s demanding pulls and tugs.

Jace smiled at _our,_ relaxing a little. “So this is not an excuse to end this?”

“Why would I ever want to end this? I actually hope we are just getting started…” Alec felt bold saying it. But it was true. He needed more and what he needed was definitely not something he wanted to do in the cold and open under the meanwhile dark February sky. 

Jace grinned at him. “You should have started with this. Then we could’ve been inside ages ago.” Alec just huffed but let Jace kiss him again before he stood up, pulling Jace with him. 

* * *

As soon as they were inside, Jace withdrew his hand but he still walked close to Alec, their shoulders brushing with every step. Jace felt heat radiating from Alec, and not only his normal body warmth. It was another kind of heat, a heat laced with want and desire, and it was directed at him. His hands were still cold and he shivered lightly. But he couldn’t tell if it was because of the cold or in anticipation. Probably both.

When Alec closed the door behind them, Jace sighed in relief. Walking next to Alec but not actually touching him had been nearly too much for his currently very thin self resolve. Without saying a word, he grabbed Alec by his neck and pulled him down, continuing what they had started on the rooftop. 

He let his hands roam over Alec’s back, slipping one hand under his shirt to scratch lightly over his spine. He hesitated shortly but then he let his hand roam lower, over Alec’s firm ass, enjoying the surprised but pleased yelp when he started to squeeze and knead. With a regretful sigh, he pulled away when he found Alec’s tucked-away stele. He pulled it out and stepped back a little to draw Silencing and Locking runes on the door. 

He felt Alec’s eyes on him while applying the runes and somehow his skin started to tickle under the stare. When he looked back at Alec, he saw an insecurity in his eyes that hadn’t been there before. Somehow, with the runes, it felt more real. More like hiding. Like a dirty secret they shouldn’t be. 

He hurried to be in front of Alec again. He caressed his cheek and smiled when Alec leaned into the touch, his suddenly tense shoulders dropping. “We can take this slow, Alec.” When Alec remained silent, adding “Or we cannot take it at all. You can just go and we pretend nothing has happened.” Though Jace knew he couldn’t. There was no _just_ anymore. If Alec chose to go, Jace wouldn’t know how to survive that. How to pretend that he didn’t know how Alec tasted, how his Parabatai’s hand felt entangled in his hair, how Alec felt sitting in his lap, and how it felt to grind their erections against each other.

“We can do that, Alec, but do you know what I want to do? I want to push you onto my bed and then kiss you again. Take off your clothes and kiss all the naked skin that I can reach. Suck my marks onto you. Mark you. I want to feel you around me, make you forget the world. I don’t care if they say it’s forbidden. There has never been anything that felt better and more _right_ than kissing you.” 

Jace leaned in, but not completely, pausing just an inch away from Alec’s inviting lips. He felt his Parabatai’s breath on his lips while he held his own. Relief flooded him when Alec’s hands found the lapel of his jacket and pulled him the last missing inch closer until their lips were firmly pressed together. Without breaking their kiss, Jace started to push Alec slightly, making him retreat until his legs hit the bed frame, and Alec let himself fall on the bed, pulling Jace with him.

“I don’t want slow, Jace. I want you. This” - his lips were on Jace’s again, nipping and pulling before he drew away to finish his sentence - “This is not wrong. You are right, Jace. _We_ are right. I just got nervous. I… I’ve never done this before.” Alec blushed a little. 

“It’s you and me, Alec. It’s _us._ There is no need to be nervous. Just tell me if I do anything you don’t like. And, for the record, I haven’t really done this either. But I’m sure we’ll figure it out.” He grinned when his hips started to move, grinding down on Alec, studying his face and enjoying the transformation on it. All signs of worry were blasted away and replaced by want and desire.

Jace was quick to get rid of his own clothes, shrugging out of Alec’s jacket and pulling his longsleeve over his head. Goosbumps spread the moment his bare skin hit the coolish air in the room, but he didn’t care. He needed to be naked. He needed Alec to be naked. He made a pleased sound lowly in the back of his throat when Alec managed to wriggle out of his own shirt. He had always known that Alec was beautiful. Not in the poster-boy shiny way of beauty, but in the serene, dark way. But he had never known how beautiful Alec truly was. But he knew now, looking down at Alec who lay naked beneath him, staring up at him with want. And need. And love. 

It was the last thought that crossed Jace’s mind for a long time, because after that there was no room for thoughts anymore. The feeling of Alec’s hot skin on his own, the way he moved under him, the way his arms surrounded him while he kissed his way down Alec’s body as he had promised and dreamed of made his mind blank, just the need for being close, for touching and being touched was left. 

He could have painted Alec’s body by heart, knowing every little scar, every rune and the way his muscles worked under his skin. But exploring it now with his tongue and lips, with his fingers and hands, was completely different. Their hearts had synched as if they were in battle and feeling the beat of the other so close to their own calmed both and spurred them on in the same way. 

Jace had no idea if Alec was the one who was completely naked first or if it was he, but it also didn’t matter. What mattered was that they were. That suddenly there was no hindering barrier between them but only bare skin sliding over bare skin, their hard cocks brushing against each other.

“Fuck,” Alec groaned, his eyes rolling back in his head when Jace reached between their grinding bodies, wrapped his hand around both their cocks and started to stroke them in the same rhythm as their hips thrusted. His hand tugged nearly painfully at Jace’s hair, making Jace hiss in pleasure and pain. “Jace. Fuck.” Alec was so close, it wouldn’t take much for him to spill all over them, and Jace’s frantic panting showed him that Jace was close as well. But he needed more. He needed all of Jace. 

“I need you, Jace. In me. Now.” Alec blushed, but the moan he got in response to his request made up for the slight embarrassment he had felt at voicing his needs. 

Jace drew back and sat on his heels, taking a moment to appreciate Alec’s flushed and debauched state. His pupils were blown wide, his cheeks colored, hair a mess of soft brown curls, lips red and swollen. He just couldn’t help himself, he needed to bend down and kiss those lips again. Eagerly Alec opened his mouth, his hands scratching over Jace’s back while pulling him down again. “I,” Jace kissed Alec again, “Need,” another kiss, “To get lube.” But he made no attempt to get up, too lost in Alec’s embrace and kisses. 

“Lube.” Alec reminded Jace breathlessly when they stopped kissing for a second.

“Lube.” Jace agreed, kissing Alec one last time before he sighed deeply and got up to get it. When he returned from the bathroom the sight took his breath away. Alec had propped himself up lightly against the headboard, set his feet on the bed and opened them wide to make room for him, putting himself in a very exposing and vulnerable position. But Alec just looked up at Jace with so much trust, it took Jace’s breath away for a second time. 

In a heartbeat, he slipped beneath the inviting legs, kissing Alec’s knee while he opened the tube and poured something into his hand. He bit Alec’s inner thigh lightly before he peppered it with kisses, working his way upwards. The closer to Alec’s hole his lips and fingers got, the more Alec tensed. Jace ran a soothing hand over Alec’s thighs, while he started to circle Alec’s entrance, rubbing over it but not yet pushing in. Just giving Alec time to get used to being touched there. 

“You need to relax,” Jace couldn’t help but say, biting his lip to suppress the laugh at that. Telling Alec to relax had basically started all this. 

“You’re such an ass,” Alec couldn’t help but give back, of course remembering the same, but this time there was no heat.

“But your ass,” Jace laughed, making Alec laugh alongside him. 

“Indeed, you-” 

But whatever Alec wanted to say was swallowed by the moan that left his mouth when Jace used Alec’s lessening tension to push in. The moan turned into a little yelp when Jace pushed in a little deeper. It was a strange feeling. Not unpleasant, but somewhat strange. Jace started to move his finger, circling it, pushing in and out and Alec tried to really relax and get used to this. He had wanted this for so long, he really needed to _relax._

“Fuck, you look so beautiful. So perfect.” Jace’s voice was filled with awe and a serenity that was rare. There was no trace of teasing or cockiness.

It were these words that made Alec get lost in all the best ways. His lips curled into a smile when he felt his body going lax. Hearing the clear awe, the praise, the love made his mind finally stop thinking and he lost all shyness. He let his body take over and just started to enjoy the steady rhythm and even started to push back onto Jace’s finger, that soon became two.

Jace started to scissor his fingers to spread Alec open wider, crooking them to hit his Parabatai’s prostate. The little scream told him he just had done so, and he couldn’t help but grin when he pushed with his fingers very deliberately now against the sensitive bundle of nerves every time he thrust in. 

Alec’s back arched off the bed, moaning shamelessly. “I’m ready.” He was ready. So ready. He had been ready for years and now he really needed Jace inside him. All of him. Not only his fingers. Their bond had thrummed between them the entire time, but when Jace started to push into him with little thrusts, rocking back and forth before one powerful thrust buried Jace completely into Alec, their bond started to flare up. Both yelped at the sensation of being suddenly so close and of their runes heating up, their bond tying their souls together even tighter than before. 

Their lips found each other though it was more biting than kissing now. Jace’s hips snapped forward and he was met with Alec pushing into his movements. Soon the air was filled with the slapping noise of naked skin on naked skin. Jace couldn’t help but pick up pace, increasing the speed with each thrust, shoving harder into Alec. He made sure to hit Alec’s prostate, enjoying the moans he got each time he managed. Jace had no idea how long he had been going, it seemed like forever and like seconds at the same time. Their bond was tugging at them, demanding full completion now. The need to be _one_ nearly drove him insane, his world narrowing down to just Alec beneath him. _Them._

His hand found Alec’s cock and when he started to stroke Alec, all Alec could do was groan and writhe with pleasure. A few more strokes and he came, moaning Jace’s name and spilling all over their bellies, smiling when Jace followed him a second later with a curse on his lips. 

Alec lay with his head resting on Jace’s chest, still panting lightly. They were snuggled under the blanket, cleaned, contented and very sated. Jace stroked Alec’s slightly damp hair, their bond humming pleased between them. The nudging and pulling had gone away and they felt even closer. But besides that, nothing had happened. They still felt human. 

“Are you okay?” Jace asked softly, while his thumb ran over Alec’s face, smiling when Alec opened his lips to suck it in briefly before he bit down lightly. 

“How could I not be?” Alec raised an eyebrow, propping himself up to be better able to look at Jace. “I’ve dreamed of this for so long. And yes, reality compares.” He winked at Jace, laughing lowly when Jace closed his mouth, having wanted to ask just that.

“So, no regrets?” 

“None. When it comes to you, Jace, never.” Alec smiled down at him before he resumed his former position, resting his head on Jace’s chest and closing his eyes with a contented sigh. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to Jessa for being my beta 💙 You are the best 💙

The coming weeks rushed by in a blast. Days melted into nights, nights bled into days and all Alec and Jace could think of were each other. How the other felt in their arms, how their heads tilted to the side to listen to whatever the other had to say. How their thighs pressed together when they ate their breakfast after spending the night together, curled into each other. After they had pulled the other close. Had bitten the other. Had kissed the other. Made the other come undone. Made him come. 

All they could think of was how to steal another kiss, how to slip the hand into the other’s, just for a tiny moment, drawing away before anyone could notice. But always rewarded with a radiant smile, a softening of the eyes or a silent sigh. 

They had to hide, but it was easier than before. Both were used to hiding. But for the first time in years, they didn’t need to hide anything from each other. There was no thought they couldn’t voice, no feeling they couldn’t express, no desire they couldn’t share. They wanted each other in all the ways the other could give. They gave everything the other wanted. Their bond had grown, the usual humming replaced by a symphony of tunes and tones that flew effortlessly between them, mirroring their moods and feelings. The tunes were bright and sparkling but didn’t lack depth and warmth. Lust and desire. Love and trust. 

“Be careful.” Jace’s eyes darted briefly to the door of the locker room, but the other Shadowhunters assigned to the mission had already left. His lips curled briefly into a smile before he hooked his finger through Alec’s belt loop to draw Alec close. 

It was a standard mission, just some rogue Vampires. Nothing Alec shouldn’t be able to handle, even though the Shadowhunters going with him were rookies. They claimed to be experienced, but so far they had only fought in Idris, never here. And New York’s demons - or Vampires - were known to be more vicious. Just as the city itself was more vicious than any other city in the world.

“I’m always careful. Don’t worry. I’ll be back soon,” Alec gave back, answering Jace’s crooked smile with a similar one. His eyes found the closed door as well, briefly considering the danger they were in. But then he leaned in, half-way met by Jace’s eager lips. It was not a chaste kiss, it was a real one. Long and deep and just a little bit dreamy. They risked a lot with this kiss, so the least they could do was make it count. They hated to go on missions without the other, now more than ever. And even before, they had dreaded it. But sometimes Maryse made them split up, and they didn’t dare to defy her too openly. Sometimes they managed to switch, but this time they had run out of luck. Alec was supposed to hunt Vampires, Jace had to command the Ops center. It was just a standard mission, but they hated it nevertheless. 

Jace bit tenderly on Alec’s bottom lip, pulling a little on it before he released him with a sigh. “I’m serious. Be careful.” He brushed over Alec’s lips with his thumb, smiling when Alec leaned into the touch before they kissed again. Chaste this time, as they heard the clung of approaching boots. 

“I will be.” With a last look and a faint smile Alec pulled away, strapping his bow to his back and adjusting his weapons. 

While leaving the Institute, he gave last instructions to his team. He hated going on missions without Jace or at least Izzy by his side. These new Shadowhunters from Idris were still too green and inexperienced, and the worst thing was they didn't know it. They thought they knew what they were doing. But they didn’t. And they were reckless. Not the Jace kind of reckless. The suicidal kind of reckless. Though Jace loved to jump headfirst into danger, he at least knew what he did. He knew the danger and decided to go for it nevertheless. The Shadowhunters assigned to him didn’t. Ally, Thomas and Pepe. Alec sighed silently. He already missed Jace. The soft texture of his lips, his heart beating against his ear when he lay with his head resting on his chest. His... 

Alec shook his head and snapped back into leader mode. He had promised Jace to be careful. He wouldn’t allow his mind to wander again. 

The intel had come from a reliable source. Two rogue Vampires had fed from Mundanes in a Mundane nightclub. As it was his territory, Raphael, the leader of the New York Clan, had agreed to send some of his Vampires to help deal with them. Four Shadowhunters and four Vampires against two rogues. It should be a piece of cake. 

When they arrived, Alec felt the itch of the other three to storm the perimeter. Probably they had never met a real Vampire in their lives. Downworlders were not common in Idris. Alec hated newbies. The New York Vampires were not there yet, so Alec ordered his team to wait. They were in no rush, the night had just started. Nevertheless, Alec despised tardiness. But what Alec really loathed were people who went against his direct orders. People who had no idea what they were dealing with. The danger they were putting themselves and others in. People like Pepe. 

They heard a strange noise from inside the club, and instead of waiting like Alec had  _ told  _ him to, Pepe went right in. And as Alec was a few feet away, talking to Raphael on the phone about where the hell his Vampires were, Alec had no chance to react. The door behind Pepe closed and the strange noise changed into a horrified scream. Alec cursed, as much as this was possible while simultaneously gritting his teeth.

“Weapons ready, follow me, standard formation,” he barked at Ally and Thomas. When he opened the door to the club, his breath caught in his throat. It was not a Mundane club and two rogue Vampires. It was a Vampire club and a nest of rogues. Pepe was already lying on the floor, surrounded by very hungry looking Vampires. Alec cursed again. With Raphael’s missing Vampires they might stand a chance. With Jace he definitely would have a chance. With these two newbies - he was not so sure, especially when he saw the fear on their faces. But Pepe was inside and he had no other choice than go in and hope for the best. Hope for the good Vampires to show up or for Jace to magically appear. 

The club was too narrow to use his bow, so Alec drew his blade and surged forward. He heard a strangled sound to his left and then running feet. Thomas had bolted. Alec cursed. They still had a tiny chance. Alec fought like a maniac and Ally held her ground surprisingly well. They fought back to back, making their way towards Pepe who at least had the decency to also fight. He managed to get off the ground and he even caught the spare blade Alec threw at him. They still had a chance. 

But then things happened quickly. Pepe tried to make an escape towards them, leaving his relatively safe spot with his back to the wall. The razor sharp nail of a Vampire cut his throat, tainting his surroundings red, making the Vampires hiss in excitement. 

Ally screamed at the sight of her friend being slaughtered. 

“Stay in position!” Alec yelled at her, cutting through the next approaching Vampire. Having Ally at his back was nothing like having Jace, but this was their best chance. But, of course, she didn’t listen to him. She panicked and made a run for the door. She didn’t get far.

It was the first time Alec realized that this time, he wouldn’t make it. That most likely, this was it. But it  _ couldn’t  _ be it. He had just found happiness. The crazy, all-consuming kind of happiness no one ever found. No one but he. He had just found love. He loved and he was loved back. He had just found  _ Jace.  _ In all the ways he had always craved to find him - to have him. And he had made a goddamn promise. He grabbed his blade tighter, determination seeping into every ounce of his body. 

He easily regained his usual rhythm of stabbing and killing, but there were so many Vampires. Too many. He stood with his back against the wall, his blade covered in Vampire blood and dust from the Vampires he vaporized. But with every stab, with every kill, it grew harder to raise the blade another time. He knew he was already bleeding from some wounds. From fangs that had come too close, nails that were used as claws. 

When three Vampires charged simultaneously at him, a jolt jerked through his body.  _ Jace.  _ Jace was coming. He felt him running through the night. He felt Jace’s heart beat frantically against his ribs. He felt his lungs fill with fresh air and he heard Jace’s heels thrum against the concrete asphalt. Alec knew that Jace was coming. Coming for him. To save him. But he also knew that Jace was too late. That he was beyond saving. 

With a scream he buried his blade in one of the three Vampires. He felt a sharp pain when the second pierced his skin and nearly ripped his aorta in two. The Vampire vaporized when he drove his dagger between his shoulder blades. Two others jumped in and Alec felt himself crash to the floor and another Vampire lapping at his wound, burying his fangs inside him. Jace’s soul was calling out to him. To hold on. Alec knew Jace was coming. But when he heard the greedy swallowing of the Vampire and his body going limp when the yin fan entered his body, he knew Jace was too late. But before his mind slipped into unconsciousness, he clung to the feeling of Jace coming. Of the soothing nearing presence of his Parabatai. His lover. His world. 

* * *

Jace looked at the monitors in the Ops center. It was not his favourite job, he preferred to be out in the field. Especially when  _ Alec  _ was out in the field. He hated to be seperated for missions. Even though of course no one - well, except probably Izzy, as she always knew everything - knew about the evolution of their relationship, Jace hated that Maryse was always so quick to disregard their bond. Parabatai were made for battle. They should fight together. At least, everything looked quiet. And his rune was pulsing with the usual symphony of tunes. 

He had taken only a sip of his already luke-warm coffee when out of the blue the symphony turned into a cacophony. He nearly doubled down at the sudden change. A storm of emotions was crushing over him, the dissonances in their bond were unbearable. But this couldn’t stop Jace. He was already running.  _ Alec.  _ He needed to get to Alec. 

Jace had never run faster in his life than when he ran towards the location Alec was in. It was close to the Institute. Yet it felt miles away. Something was wrong. So fucking wrong. More wrong than anything Jace had ever experienced. And he had been through a lot. His boots hammered on the floor and he felt his heartbeat thrum in his ears. The strange tune continued to play in their bond, spurring him on. Every step brought him closer. Every lungful of air shortened the distance. But deep down, even though he was running full speed with all the extra Angel power he possessed, he knew Alec was too far away. But he couldn’t be. He just couldn’t. Not when he needed Alec close. Next to him. In his arms. Not when he needed Alec to be able to fucking breathe.

Jace crashed into the room full of Vampires without batting an eye. He came over them like raining fire, his skin glowing golden, as was his blade and sword. He fought with two blades in hand and the remaining Vampires didn’t stand a chance. The first thing Jace had seen when entering the club had been Alec. Laying on the floor. Unconscious. And nearly not breathing anymore. Though everything screamed at him to immediately go to him, Jace knew he had to kill first. Otherwise they would both be doomed. 

He nearly didn’t feel Alec anymore. The crescendo of misplaced tones had diminished to a soft _ding,_ echoing from time to time, fluttering just as the dying heartbeat of Alec. He _knew_ he was too late. But he was not going to accept it. As soon as the situation allowed it, he crouched down next to Alec. The soft groaning of a dying Vampire filled the room. There was no sound to be heard from Alec. Jace cursed and drew an Iratze next to Alec’s torn throat. It vanished the moment he drew it. So did the second. And the third. Jace screamed when the Blood-Replenishing rune also vanished without the usual glow. Fading nearly quicker than he was able to draw it. 

Jace screamed like he had never screamed before. His eyes darted through the room. He knew Alec was not yet fully gone. Not just yet. But soon. He saw his dead fellow Shadowhunters. Weapons. Piles of ashes. Broken tables and glass. Destruction. Death. His eyes zoomed in on the dying Vampire. And suddenly Jace grew very calm. The beating of his heart that had nearly broken out of his chest slowed down instantly. Faster than ever, he was by the side of the Vampire. He saw blood on his fangs. He dug his nails into the gaping wound in the Vampire’s chest. His blade hadn’t pierced his heart, but close by. The angelic power of the blade caused the wound to stay open, battling the usual quick recovery of Vampires. Maybe the Vampire would even live. 

“Have you drunk from him?” Jace twitched his fingers and the Vampire screamed in pain. But he nodded. 

“Good.” Jace grabbed the Vampire by his hair and pulled him next to Alec. Alec was unconscious. But somehow he needed Alec to swallow some blood of the Vampire. Just a little. 

“Come on, baby. This is gonna be hard but we will get through it. Do you hear me, Alec, baby? We will get through this.” Jace’s voice was soft and calm, soothing. But Alec, of course, didn’t hear him. And Jace felt like all air had left his own lungs. He just couldn’t breathe. 

Jace cradled Alec to his chest, pulling him up in a sitting position. Alec’s head lulled to the side, but Jace adjusted it with some tender pushes. He grabbed the Vampire’s wrist without any gentleness and pulled it towards Alec’s mouth. He dipped Alec’s head a little before he cut the Vampire’s wrist. Dark, nearly black blood eased out of the wound. Jace pressed the wrist to Alec’s opened lips until they were coated in blood. Jace started to massage Alec’s throat to make him swallow at least some drops of it. 

The  _ ding  _ in their bond grew unsteadier and quieter. It was nearly not palpable anymore. Jace knew Alec was close to death for real. His body hurt, his rune was bleeding. His soul burned. But he was still calm. Alec might die, but he wouldn’t stay dead. He just couldn’t. The blood of the Vampire was still flooding Alec’s mouth when Jace felt Alec’s body shudder. He felt something snap. Their bond. It was gone. As was the pain in their rune. In his body. But not in his soul. His soul nearly combusted with pain at the snap. But it remained in place. Alec still needed him. He still could make this right. 

Without looking at the Vampire, he drew the dagger with which he had cut his wrist and stabbed him through the heart. He didn’t let go of Alec. He just kept stroking his hair until the opening door made him jerk and tense. He had a blade ready in hand in seconds, but he lowered it when he saw who entered. Raphael and some of his Vampires. He knew them. They were not a threat. With tender movements he lowered Alec off himself and laid him on the floor. He pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, brushing one unruly strand of hair out of his face. Closing his eyes. When Alec would wake up later, he shouldn’t have dirt in his eyes. 

“Just hold on, baby. You’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.” 

Jace sprang to his feet and zeroed in on the incoming Vampires. He ignored the questions and stepped towards Raphael. “You will get me blood. A lot of blood. So much that it is sufficient for a fledgling. And you will get me the best blood there is. Understood?” His face was smeared with a mix of Alec’s blood, the Vampire’s and his own. He hadn’t bothered to draw an Iratze on himself. His voice was calm. And for it even more dangerous.

Raphael’s eyes darted towards Alec. His corpse. “The accords. We can’t-”

“To hell with the accords, Raphael. I swear to your Christian god and to my Angels that if you don’t bring me that blood and help me, I will hunt down every single Vampire in New York. Every single Vampire, Raphael.” Jace’s eyes glowed golden and deadly. He hadn’t raised his voice. He still felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Raphael gulped, but he nodded. “Dolly, get him what he asked for. Make it quick so that we can get back before sunrise.” 

“What else do I need, Raphael? Can I bury him anywhere? Is there something else?” Jace pressed on.

“You need holy ground. You have to bury him. When he is strong enough, he will crawl out of his grave at midnight. You cannot help him, he has to manage to escape by himself, until at least one body part is in the open.”

Jace nodded. That he could do. He rubbed tiredly over his face.

“Who is his Sire?” Raphael inquired.

Jace just shook his head. “Not important. He is dead.”

“You will need another Vampire to control him. He will be out of his mind in his urge to get blood. And you will smell like the perfect snack to him.”

But Jace shook his head again. “This is where you are wrong. Alec just needs me. He won’t harm me.”

Now it was Raphael’s turn to shake his head. But he also didn’t dare to say more. The gleam in Jace’s eyes dipped a little too much towards insanity. And Raphael was not suicidal enough to get in the way of a maniacal, extra powerful Shadowhunter who had just lost his Parabatai.

* * *

Alec woke with a strange feeling in his body. As if his body was not truly his. An unknown weight was pressing him down and he was surrounded by darkness. He tried to blink his eyes fully open but something hindered him. He was not only surrounded by darkness. He was surrounded by layers of dirt. Panic spread in his body, but Alec swallowed it down. He needed to get out of this situation. He needed to get to Jace. Next to this need, it felt like there was a hole in his belly. A hole that craved something. He desperately needed something, though he was not sure what it was. He just needed it. And that made his body finally move. A primal instinct kicked in and Alec knew he had to dig. He didn’t feel the pain when his nails broke, the urge to escape too powerful. To his surprise, Alec felt stronger than he had ever felt before in his life. Even stronger than he had been when all his runes were activated. Even when Jace had activated these runes. 

He managed to shove the dirt away enough to get into a sitting position. The earth was loose, he couldn’t have been long in here. He pressed his feet firmly into the ground, to push himself up and get more force behind his burrowing. There were only two things on his mind. The craving. And Jace. And maybe these were the same two things. But Alec wasn’t sure. His brain was still clouded. In the back of his mind there was also the feeling of a profound loss. A loss he was not ready to face so he shoved the feeling back. He needed to dig. 

He sighed in relief when his hand breached the surface, a whiff of air brushing over it. A second later he felt a hand in his, pulling at him. Though his own body felt strange and foreign to him, Alec would know the touch of this hand everywhere and in any state. The calluses on Jace’s hands from wielding blades. The little scar on the back of Jace’s left thumb. The familiar grip. He had no doubt that it was Jace who waited for him whenever he managed to drag free from wherever he was. Jace was there. And he would be fine. 

* * *

The faint noise of ringing church bells shook Jace out of his dream-like state. He sat crouched next to the grave he had dug earlier and had lowered Alec into. Had kissed him one last time on his forehead and cold lips before he had covered him in dirt. Holy dirt. Jace had chosen a remote, rarely used graveyard. He had pulled in a favor from a Warlock who had created a portal so that he had been able to bring Alec undetected to this place. Several blood bags lay next to him, ready for Alec. He just needed to fight his way out of the dirt. Jace knew he wasn’t allowed to help. Some stupid Vampire rule. Raphael had been very clear about that. The Vampire needed to free themself with their own strength. And Jace didn’t doubt for a second that Alec was strong enough. Of course he was. Yet, he eyed the grave in front of him more nervously with each new minute that elapsed after midnight. Alec must resurface soon. He must.

Suddenly a hand pushed through the dirt. The fingertips were covered in dirt and blood. Broken nails. But it was clearly Alec’s hand. Without hesitation, Jace took it and pulled, helping Alec. He just hadn’t been allowed to dig. Pulling should be fine. Alec crawled slowly out of his grave, covered in mud. His eyes were wild. But still hazel wild. 

Their eyes met and when he saw Alec struggle for air, Jace himself didn’t need to fight any longer. He could finally breathe again. Alec was back. Everything would be fine. Different, but fine. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Jessa for being my beta 💙

Alec choked, spitting out dirt that had somehow found its way into his mouth. He struggled to breathe, his lungs constricting until he realized that he didn’t need oxygen anymore to live. Because he was already dead. But he still needed something. He sniffed the air and the smell that filled his nose was delicious. Metallic and sweet at the same time. Blood. He smelled blood. His body hurt with the need to get to the source of that smell. His eyes found Jace. The source of all his cravings. Of all he wanted. Needed. His mind snapped into a primal mode he had never been aware he possessed. His world narrowed down to two things. His prey. And how to get it. Alec hissed as his fangs popped out instantly. He was ready to attack. 

“Alec.” Jace’s soft voice filled with relief and love rattled Alec to the core. He had moved in the blink of an eye and had already pinned Jace to the ground. But Jace didn’t show any sign of fear. Just love. And something else took over Alec’s primal instincts, reminding him that Jace was not prey. But his world. Jace was to be protected. Not hunted. 

“Here. Drink. You need to drink, Alec.” Jace shoved a blood bag into Alec’s shaking hands and Alec couldn’t even start to think before his fangs tore the bag open and he started to swallow in huge, greedy gulps. The bag was too empty too soon and Alec hissed again, not able to form coherent sentences. Wordlessly Jace shoved another bag into his hand, which Alec emptied in the same manner. Just after the third, he felt the hunger subside. The fourth finally made him feel sated. 

He was still sitting on Jace, who looked trustingly up at him. With his hunger settled, he felt something else for the first time since he had crawled out of the dirt; his grave, as he realized now. What he hadn’t understood at first, with his need for blood and to get to Jace, was that he truly had died. But he was back. _Turned._ His tongue slid over his still extended fangs, snarling when they cut it. He looked down at Jace. And with horror he realized that he still wanted him. Wanted to bury his face in his tempting neck and _bite._

“There you are, Alec, baby.” Jace’s hand came up, cupping his chin, running his thumb over his blood-smeared lip. As if he wasn’t a dangerous predator. Jace had always been so fucking reckless in the face of danger.

“Jace,” Alec hissed and as quick as he had been on Jace he was gone, putting a safe distance between them. Though he didn’t know if there was any distance that would be enough to keep Jace safe from him. He wanted Jace. So much. He wanted Jace, like he had wanted him before. He loved Jace. He was still his world. But he also felt the other need in him. To bite. To drink. To make Jace his in other ways than before. To soothe his craving. But also to soothe the silence in his body that used to be occupied by melodies and rhythms. But as Jace was his to protect, always had been, he needed Jace to be safe. From himself this time. “You need to get away from me, Jace. I’m dangerous.”

Alec snarled again when he saw Jace’s reaction. He just smiled and shook his head. Of course not taking him seriously. Of course not doing what he said. Instead, he slowly got to his feet and came closer. “Alec, what I need is _you._ I have enough blood bags to fill your hunger. I know you won’t attack me. You didn’t attack me when you were completely out of your mind just a few moments ago. You would never hurt me, Alec. So don’t tell me to get away from you. I need you!” 

Jace stepped closer, his hands outstretched. The fool didn’t even have a weapon Alec noticed, shaking his head. “Stay where you are. I mean it, Jace.”

Something in his tone made Jace finally comply. He stopped moving forward, but he also didn’t retreat. “I know this is all overwhelming, Alec.”

Alec just laughed hollowly. Jace had no idea. How it felt to want to snap out your fangs, bury them in your lover’s pulsating neck vein and suck the man you loved the most dry. Jace had no idea how it felt not to feel your heart beating anymore. To have no need to breathe. 

“Alec, please. You will be fine. We both will be. Look at Raphael. He learned to control his urges. Fuck, Alec, you _are_ already controlling them. You have always been an overachiever.” Jace’s lips curled into a smile but he didn’t dare to come closer. His voice was soothing now, like one would talk to a wounded animal. And that’s how Alec felt. Wounded. But also animalistic. 

“What happened, Jace? Why am I a Vampire? What the fuck happened?” 

For the first time, Jace’s stoic calm seemed to shatter. Briefly, he looked away, just to find Alec’s gaze again. “You were dying, Alec. I found you in this Vampire den and you were barely alive anymore. I drew Iratzes but they just faded. I felt you dying. And I just couldn’t let this be the end. Of you. Of us. I need you Alec. This might be selfish. Fuck, it _is_ selfish. But I need you. I _’_ ve always needed you. Even before I knew you, I needed you. So I made you drink Vampire blood from someone who drank from you. I buried you. You came back.” 

For the first time, the realization that he truly was a Vampire settled in. Alec looked at his bare arms. His runes were still visible. But they had transformed. The ink black had faded to a sparkling silver. He knew they were useless now. In the corner of his eyes, he saw Jace toss him another blood bag and Alec’s stomach coiled into a tight knot. He knew he needed more blood and the fact that Jace knew that, even without their bond between them, made him nearly cry. _Jace._ He needed him too. Just as much as Jace apparently needed him. He couldn’t say that he didn’t understand Jace’s decision. He couldn’t say that he wouldn’t have done the same. He would have. Without hesitation. But Jace needed to be safe. And the greatest danger to Jace right now was Alec himself. 

“I’m sorry, Jace.” With that, Alec grabbed the blood bag and turned around, running at a full fledgling Vampire speed that he knew even Jace, with his pure Angel blood, couldn’t keep up with. 

Jace cursed when he saw Alec bolting. His Speed rune flared up, but against Alec’s newly found strength he stood no chance. Soon, there was no trace of Alec to be found. Jace cursed again, coming to a halt, contemplating his next steps. Of course, Alec was as stubborn after his turning as he had been before it. 

As if Alec could ever hurt him. Jace had seen the want and need and desire in Alec’s eyes when he had been sitting on him. He had seen that Alec’s primal part was in control. The part that just wanted blood. But nevertheless, Alec had not bitten Jace. He had taken the blood bag. But of course Alec didn’t see that. He didn’t see the control he had already mastered. He just saw his flaws, like always. Well, at least that was proof that Vampirism hadn’t changed him. Jace had to suppress a hysterical laugh. He needed to keep his calm. Alec had already lost his, so for once Jace needed to be the level-headed part of their Parabatai bond. He refused to think of them as anything else. Even though the empty spot in his soul was still hurting. The silence still deafening. But Alec was alive. Maybe not _alive_ alive. But he was not dead. And that was what mattered. Jace just needed to find him. 

In the end, finding Alec was not the problem. Alec had turned to the only Vampire he knew well enough and trusted well enough: Raphael. And as he was also Jace’s starting point for his search, he had found him rather quickly. Talking to Alec was the problem.

“Raphael, I need to talk to him. He is being unreasonable. He didn’t hurt me in the past and he won’t in the future. I just need to talk to him.” Jace glared at the leader of the New York Vampires, briefly considering if drawing his blade would help his case. But then he left it in his holster. He didn’t think Alec would appreciate him slaying the Vampires who had taken him in. Though if Alec would be less stubborn for once, there wouldn’t even be a reason for him to seek out those Vampires. 

“Jace. Give him time.” Raphael sounded sympathetic. But also annoyed. 

“Time.” Jace huffed. “And you stand here and tell me that he just needs time and doesn’t need me also.” 

Raphael rolled his eyes. He had known that it had been a mistake to intervene in the Parabatai-Vampire-Shadowhunter _thing._ But when Alec had stood before him, freshly turned and definitely in need of a shelter, he hadn’t been able to say no. Though he secretly agreed with Jace. If Alec had managed to not bite Jace when he had been freshly turned, he wouldn’t do so now. But Alec was a Vampire. His own allegiance had always been with Vampires and not Shadowhunters.

Jace huffed again at the eye-roll but then he nodded. “Fine. But I’ll be back.” He definitely would be. 

Back in the Institute, slumped down on his - their - bed, Jace started to think. He missed Alec with every fibre of his being. And he just knew that Alec missed him as well. There was just no world where they wouldn’t miss each other. But Alec was afraid of hurting him. Or hurting anyone. Jace had told Izzy about Alec’s turning and, after a short moment of shock, she had been relieved that he was a Vampire instead of dead. She had briefly seen him, but Alec had also refused to be alone with her. 

Jace punched frustrated against the headboard of his bed, wincing at the pain. If Jace knew Alec, he would wait until he had at least 150 percent control of himself before seeing Jace again. But Jace would be old and grey by then. Alec might have forever, but Jace sure didn’t.

 _Forever._ Jace bit his lip, his hand finding his rune. The rune was still there. Faded to the strangest color. He had never seen a rune like this before. But he also had never seen a Parabatai rune when one of the pair had turned into a Vampire. The rune was divided. The upper part was silver. The bottom was still in the usual ink black color. _Forever._ Alec truly had that now. He would have to live that forever without Jace. And this just didn’t feel right. It also didn’t feel right that Alec was scared to see him now. It didn’t feel right that Alec had moved on to another state of being which Jace was not supposed to follow him to. It didn’t feel right because it wasn’t.

He sighed. He had made an oath. A holy oath, fueled by the sacred magic of heavenly fire. He had made a promise. A promise he intended to keep. _For whither thou goest, I will go._

Suddenly, he was calm again. Just like he had been when Alec had been about to die. He needed to die too. He needed to become a Vampire. And he knew the only person he trusted to turn him. To be his Sire. _Alec._ But he also knew that Alec wouldn’t want to turn him. Alec was too stubborn. Too reasonable. To fixated to keep him human. So Jace needed to be ruthless. He needed to _convince_ Alec to turn him. But not with force. With something else. His hand rubbed over their rune while a plan formed in his mind. He felt a little ashamed for making Alec do what he wanted. But only a little. He knew it was the right thing to do. It was what he had sworn to do. And he had forever to make it up to Alec. The real forever.

* * *

“Alec,” Jace practically purred. He had _persuaded_ one of Raphael’s underlings to lure Alec into this abandoned warehouse under the pretence of someone needing help. And Alec could never resist anyone in need. And it hadn’t even been a lie. He - Jace - needed help. 

“Jace. Wha- What are you doing here?” 

Jace smirked at the stutter. He bet if Alec could still blush, he would have. He had chosen his outfit very deliberately. He wore the tightest black jeans he possessed. They were not only tight. They were also ripped. So ripped that they revealed more skin than they concealed. They were tucked into biker boots Jace knew Alec found sexy. Besides the jeans, he wore nothing more than a tight, white shirt. A very tight shirt, that hugged his biceps and chest muscles in all the right places. The neckline was very deep, exposing the most important part of himself today: his neck. 

“I missed you, Alec.” His voice was low and sexy. It was not a lie, not at all. He had missed Alec like he would miss a limb gone missing. Probably more. 

Before Alec could bolt, Jace activated his Speed Rune and positioned himself between the door and Alec. 

“You look so beautiful.” Jace let his eyes roam shamelessly over Alec. His dark hair had a silky shine, his skin looked smooth and somehow vital. The Deflect Rune on his neck had a beautiful sparkling silver color and all Jace wanted was to bury his face there. Lick at that rune. Suck a dark purple mark over it. Bite him. But this was not the plan. The plan was that Alec bit _him_. 

Though Alec was supposed to be the predator of the two, Jace felt like it. He locked eyes with Alec before he opened his lips to lick lasciviously and very slowly over them. He sucked in his bottom lip, chewing on it, before he bit down. Hard. Until he tasted blood. He grinned when he saw Alec follow his every movement and give up a small shudder when the smell of fresh blood hit Alec’s nose. But he needed to get closer to Alec. To set his plan in motion. He had been away from Alec for too long. He just needed to feel him.

“Alec, please,” and with that Jace just threw himself at Alec, knowing Alec would catch him like he had always done. And, of course, he did so now as well. For a moment it didn’t matter that Alec was a Vampire and Jace was not. It just mattered that Alec’s arms were around him, that he could press his body against Alec’s, that felt cold but still like _home._

And before Alec could start to think, Jace pressed his lips on Alec’s, moaning when they met, taking the opportunity to push his tongue into Alec’s mouth instantly when Alec answered with an equally needy sound. 

Jace laughed when suddenly he found himself pressed against the wall and Alec kissed him feverishly. Jace relaxed into the kiss and the more he did, the more tension he felt seep out of Alec’s body. Their hips moved against the other’s in their usual rhythm and Jace nearly hissed when he felt Alec sucking at his bruised lip with an urgent need, but in the last moment Jace contained the sound and turned it into a moan. It hurt but it was what he wanted. He wanted Alec to taste his blood. To taste his inner essence. Alec needed to understand that this had been inevitable since the moment Alec himself had turned. 

“I missed you too, Jace. So much.” Alec nearly panted though strictly speaking, he shouldn’t need to. But like always, Jace managed to steal his breath. And his control. The small drops he had sucked out of Jace’s lips tasted like a promise. A promise of happiness. Of forever. But Alec knew he needed to gain control back. But Jace’s bucking hips that pressed against his hard cock in the most delicious ways didn’t help. Nor did Jace’s arms that were slung snugly around him, pressing them chest to chest. And least of all his tongue that devoured his mouth with an urgent desire. And Alec kissed back. It had been so long since he had done this. Since he had allowed himself to do this. He needed Jace. But he also needed him safe. And he was still the most dangerous thing for Jace. With a groan, Alec drew away and stepped back. Just a small step, but he made room between them. 

Jace made a strangled noise in the back of his throat. “Alec. I _need_ you. Don’t go.”

Alec flinched when he heard the pain in Jace’s voice. “No, Jace. I can’t. I’m dangerous, I-” 

“Then make me like you. Turn me. Then we are the same again. Both dangerous.” Jace pleaded with him. He sucked his bottom lip in once more and when he was sure that Alec was watching, he bit down on the already bruised side, drawing more blood. “Don’t pretend that you don’t want my blood, Alec. That you don’t want _me_ . You love me. Becoming a Vampire hasn’t changed that. And like that, we truly have forever. We vowed to each other. _Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried._ Let me die with you. Please, Alec. Let me _go_ with you.” 

Alec hesitated for a moment. But a moment was all Jace needed. When he realized that Alec wouldn’t go willingly with his plan, what he had suspected, he set Plan B in motion. Gentle persuasion. Or maybe not so gentle. Alec was a Vampire, but Jace still had his Angel powers. He hooked a finger through Alec’s belt loop and pulled him back into his space, while simultaneously pressing a small dagger to his throat, making a clean cut. 

Blood spilled instantly. Light red, deliciously smelling blood. Alec moaned at the sight and the smell. Jace used the moment of surprise to knot his hand into Alec’s hair, yanking him closer. He pressed Alec towards his neck vein, towards his blood. “Please, Alec, baby. Please. I love you.” He exposed his neck even more, letting his head roll to the side.

A shudder ran through Alec’s body with the inner struggle he was fighting. Jace was begging him and Jace hardly ever begged. And he had never been able to resist Jace’s pleading. And the blood smelled so good. Jace smelled so good. And before Alec knew what he was doing, his lips sealed over the wound and Jace’s blood spilled into his mouth. And Alec was lost. The blood he had tasted before had been mind blowing, but Jace’s blood was mind breaking. He gulped it down in a rush. Just when he felt Jace’s blood spread in all his veins, he slowed down, savoring the taste now. The experience. 

Jace’s body was pliant and willing, but his hands held him in an iron grip with all his angelic force. One hand was still entangled in his hair, pressing him close, the other had moved from his belt loops to his ass, squeezing it from time to time and pushing him into Jace’s circling hips. They were both hard. Painfully hard.

“Don’t stop, Alec, don’t stop.” Jace moaned at the sensation. He had never expected that Alec drinking from him would feel so good. He couldn’t push Alec away now even if he wanted. It just felt so good. And so right. He needed Alec. Alec needed him. Why fight it? Jace was about to get lost. But one part of him still clung to his plan. He had a plan and he needed to stick to it. Before he was too lost to do anything other than moan and rut against Alec. And though he couldn’t push, he could tug. So he tugged as hard as he could at Alec’s hair and when Alec reluctantly drew away with a displeased snarl, he was quick to follow his plan further.

“Kiss me, Alec. Please.” And Jace didn’t give Alec anytime to think. He pulled him in again but this time he directed Alec’s mouth to his own lips, crashing them together. Jace was quick to bite down on Alec’s lip as harshly as he could, not stopping until the distinctive flavour of copper hit his tongue. And then he started to suck. He sucked every drop of blood he could get from Alec, swallowing it as greedily as Alec had done with his own. He knew he didn’t need much. Just a little was enough to enable him to turn. 

A high-pitched sound left Alec’s throat at the rough kiss, but he couldn’t help but give in to Jace’s demanding teeth. The primal way Jace kissed him - bit him - felt too good to draw away or do anything else. When Jace stopped biting and turned it into a real kiss, Alec pressed him harder against the wall, taking control over the kiss. Kissing was good. He just needed to stay away from Jace’s neck now. But again, Jace had other plans. With another bite and another suck, he pushed Alec away just to expose his neck again a second later. Blood was still dripping out of the wound. 

“Drink from me, Alec. Please. I need you. I need this. Please, Alec.” And though Jace pleaded, Alec also heard the command shining through it. And before he could use his Vampire strength against Jace, Jace used something else against _him_. Jace’s hand left his ass just to press against Alec’s painfully hard cock. But just in a soft, very teasing circle. By far not enough for Alec. 

“Please, Alec, please.” 

Jace’s pleading, the smell in his nose, the still lingering flavour in his mouth, Jace’s rubbing hand that just wouldn’t give him a satisfying pressure, was too much for Alec. Something snapped and he pushed forward, his lips sealing once again around Jace’s vein. His hips pushed into Jace’s hand and he was rewarded with a firm squeeze and Jace’s helpless moan. Alec swallowed hungrily again, the taste that was so uniquely Jace exploding in his mouth. Whenever he dared to slow down, Jace just palmed him harder to urge him on, pleas for him to carry on spilling out of his mouth until Alec sucked harder again. Alec was lost, truly and utterly lost. 

Jace moaned at the sensation when Alec’s lips found his neck again. He loved the feeling of Alec’s hard dick in his hand, of the power he had. In the back of his head he felt guilty for coercing Alec into this. But they needed each other. He couldn’t live without being on the exact same side as Alec. And deep down, he knew Alec couldn’t as well. Alec would forgive him. He must. He started to feel light-headed the more Alec drank, but he didn’t feel scared. He knew he was with Alec and that Alec was keeping him safe. On the contrary, he urged Alec on the moment he felt him wanting to slow down. He felt himself getting heavier in Alec’s arms, but he knew he wasn’t dying. Not really anyway. He was just transitioning. And when he would wake up, Alec would be there and everything would be fine. “Thank you,” he whispered before his mind blanked. 

When Jace’s body slumped completely into him, Alec snapped out of the daze he had been in. He tore away with a curse on his lips. Jace was unconscious. He was pale. He was dying. Alec screamed. He needed to act. Quickly. If only he could still draw runes. If only he could get Jace to a Warlock. He still felt Jace’s pulse. Fluttering like a canary in the hand, but it was still there. He had time. Maybe. But then Alec paused. Jace looked so peaceful. So trusting. He had urged him on. He had begged him to turn him. He had thanked him. Should he try to save Jace no matter the cost or should he give Jace what he craved? Forever with him. And he would be lying if he didn’t crave that too. Of course he did. He loved Jace. 

He realized that the biting kiss before had been on purpose. Jace had drunk his blood. To be able to turn. This was all a well thought out plan. And though this pissed Alec off, that Jace had _used_ him purposefully in a way, this made it also easier for him. Jace truly wanted this. So he would make sure that it would happen. 

He scooped Jace up, biting his wrist. He parted Jace’s lips with his thumb and guided them to his bleeding wrist, making sure that blood landed in Jace’s mouth and that he swallowed it. Though he thought that Jace had already drunk enough, he needed to make sure. Then he pulled him onto his lap, embracing him. Jace should die in his arms. He felt it instantly when Jace was completely dead, his body going completely still. He cursed again, but Jace still looked peaceful. He had wanted this. 

Alec sighed and scrambled to his feet, carrying Jace bridal-style. He needed to get back to the Hotel Dumort before sunrise to prepare everything. He pushed the door of the warehouse open and jerked back a second later. The sun stood already midway in the sky. He hadn’t realized how long they had been in there. But he didn’t feel a burn on his hand that had been touched by the first rays of sun. There were no blisters. No pain. But there should be. Alec shook his head in disbelief. Tentatively, he reached through the door again. Just his index finger. He tensed a little at the expected pain, but nothing happened. He adjusted Jace on his arm before extending it completely. 

He felt the sun lick his skin, but nothing else happened. “What the fuck,” Alec muttered, turning his arm back and forth, still not fully believing it. He eyed Jace, who still felt warm in his embrace. He huffed, half in delight, half annoyed. Of course Jace would make something like that happen. Of course Jace was special. It must be his pure Angel blood that enabled Alec to walk in the sun again. Or their special bond. Or both. But as he couldn't walk in broad daylight with a corpse in his arms, he retreated back in. He needed Plan B.

And Plan B was, as so often, Izzy. He sighed in relief when Izzy answered her phone after the third ring. 

“Iz, it’s me. I need your help.” Alec cut directly to the point.

“What do you need, big brother?” Izzy’s voice was still sleepy, but rang steady through the phone. That she still considered him her brother, that nothing really had changed between them and she still loved him, meant more to Alec than he could voice. 

“I need blood. A lot of blood.” 

“Let me guess. Jace. You turned him.” Izzy didn’t even sound surprised. 

“Well, technically I did. But believe me, this was all Jace’s doing. As always, he gets what he wants.” But the harsher words were contradicted by his soft tone and the way he still held Jace in his arms. He was mad, yes. Furious even. But his love for Jace was bigger than any of these emotions. 

“Well, it seems the only thing he has ever truly wanted is you, Alec. So I am glad he gets that. You two belong to each other. So, just any blood type, Alec?” 

Alec bit his lip. “Make it A-positive. It tastes better than the rest.” 

Izzy just laughed. “A-positive it is then. This doesn’t happen to be Jace’s blood type, does it?”

When Alec just snorted without giving a response, she carried on. “Text me your coordinates and I’ll bring you as much as I can get. Just hang in there. Everything is going to be fine, Alec.” 

Alec hung up with a thank you. _Fine_. Everything would be fine. It had to be.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you haven't checked out Jessa's awesome art yet, you absolutely have to - it matches this last chapter and can be found under the "inspired by" link!
> 
> A huge thank you to Jessa for being my beta 💙

Alec glared down to the freshly dug grave. He was still furious. And worried out of his mind. What if Jace for some reason didn’t make it out of it? Did he swallow enough of his own blood to truly turn? Was Jace strong enough? Alec groaned in frustration. Of course Jace was strong enough. He had to be. 

If Jace had just listened to him _once,_ he wouldn’t be in this situation. Waiting for his lover to resurface. Having _killed_ the love of his life. His Parabatai. His world. Which brought him back to being furious. Alec kicked angrily at the blood bags that lay nearby, but with little force. He was furious but he wouldn’t dare to damage the blood Izzy had provided. A-positive, just as he had asked. Because it tasted the best. Just as Jace’s. He smiled when he saw the bags full of AB-positive blood next to his favourite ones. He was AB-positive. Or at least he had been when he had still been a Shadowhunter. He doubted Vampires fell into mundane blood groups. He still heard Izzy’s half-amused voice in his head. He was still astonished that she didn’t worry more. But Izzy had always been tough. Probably the toughest out of all of them. 

_“Maybe Jace prefers AB. They are hard to get. You have the rarest blood type, big brother,"_ she had said with a wink, as she had handed them to him. Yeah. Maybe Jace would like them better _._ The fact that his blood group was way rarer than Jace’s filled Alec with an odd satisfaction. At least he beat him _somewhere._

Alec groaned at his own silly thoughts, rubbing nervously over his face. If Jace dared to have failed turning into a Vampire, he would fucking kill him. Again. The ringing of bells in the distance announced that midnight had come. Alec was very well aware of the irony that Jace was lying in the same grave as he had. Maybe they should alter the Parabatai oath. _Where thou turn into a Vampire, I will turn._ Or something like that. But however reckless Jace had acted lately, Alec had to concede that he had chosen the perfect spot for a Vampire turning. Remote. Only ancient graves so no one would appear to mourn a recently deceased. Damn, it even looked _picturesque_ with the old trees _,_ the few clouds on the otherwise starlit night and the full moon.

The loose ground started to move and Alec relaxed. He massaged his jaw, realizing just now how hard he had clenched his teeth. At least he had control over his fangs by now. When Jace’s hand emerged, Alec hesitated. It would serve Jace well having to crawl out of his grave all on his own. But it was not even a second before Alec’s hand closed around Jace’s, yanking him upwards. Towards himself. Jace’s hand felt familiar and yet strange. The texture of his skin was still the same. Rough. Callused. But where Jace’s hand had always been warm, his skin was cold now. Just as cold as his own.

When Jace emerged fully, it took Alec’s breath away for a moment. Jace still looked like Jace. His eyes shone between blue and gold, his lips were curled into a relieved smile. Mud and dirt were smeared all over him, his blond hair hanging in his eyes. He looked like Jace, and yet he didn’t. And Alec cursed when he realized that he looked more beautiful than ever, even though he could have sworn that this was not possible. His runes had transformed, just as his own had. But where his were of a conservative silver, Jace’s had turned into the most tempting color combination Alec had ever seen. They had faded into a deep sparkling red with a golden outline. Gold for the golden boy of Idris. His golden boy. And all Alec wanted to do was bite these runes. Pierce Jace’s marks until he drew blood. Kiss them. Lick them. And then bite again. But first, he needed to do something else.

It was a good thing that Alec was a Vampire now, as he didn’t need breathing to move. He didn’t need breathing at all, and the fact that Jace had managed to take his imaginary breath away pissed Alec off a little more. Even though Alec also hadn’t thought _that_ possible. He lunged forward and slammed with his full bodyweight into Jace, who just gave a surprised _hmph_ in return when his back hit the ground, barely avoiding falling back into the grave. Alec was on top of him in seconds, punching him. Hard. But not really hard, not Vampire-hard. Just Alec-was-done-with-this-shit-hard. But before Jace could respond with anything, Alec grabbed Jace by the collar of his once white shirt and hauled him into a sitting position. He grabbed one of the blood bags, _AB-positive,_ inwardly rolling his eyes at his choice, tearing the bag open with his out-snapping fangs.

“Drink,” he commanded while he held the blood to Jace’s already parted lips. The command was not necessary, but still it was. For him, it was necessary. Jace had taken away his control in the turning process. Jace had basically turned himself. He needed control back. He just did. So instead of giving Jace the blood bag, he just held it to his lips, making sure he got enough but didn’t choke on it.

When Jace was through the first, and made a strange noise in the back of his throat, Alec fetched the second, ripped it open, and fed it to Jace. That Jace didn’t fight for control over the blood at all – and Alec _knew_ how much Jace must crave the blood, he still remembered his own first hunger very vividly - soothed something in Alec. With a reluctant smile he realized that his body had already morphed from attacking to comforting mode. The hand not holding the blood rested on Jace's neck, stroking the small hairs there soothingly.

Jace swallowed greedily, sucking the last drop of blood out of the bag before he leaned back a little. Not _away._ Just into Alec’s hand that was still curled tightly around his neck. Just to be able to look at him.

“Alec.” Jace’s fangs popped out when he looked hungrily at Alec. When he had woken, covered in dirt and mud, he had not been afraid. Not really. He had known what was happening. That he had died and been reborn as a Vampire. He refused to think that Alec had killed him. Alec hadn't killed him. Alec had given him a new life. An endless life where nothing could ever part Alec and him. But despite that knowledge, he had felt the hunger in every bone of his body. The _need._ He needed blood nearly as much as he needed Alec. And that was telling.

The two bags had been enough to sate his immediate cravings but he already knew that he needed more. Much more.

When Alec grabbed his collar again to draw him closer, he wondered briefly if Alec would punch him again. His cheek still stung from the first swing and he knew he deserved it. He had made Alec change him. But he just couldn’t have lived with Alec so far away. With not being the _same_ as Alec. With Alec constantly worrying about him. With Alec being immortal and he being not.

“Jace.” It was a growl deep in Alec’s throat. Low. Dark. But Alec didn’t punch Jace this time. He drew him closer until their lips met and Alec didn’t leave any doubt that he was in charge now. He held Jace in an iron grip, wrapping his one hand around Jace’s chin, the other grabbed his neck harder. Both grips would leave marks. And then Alec kissed Jace. Raw and nearly brutal. His fangs pierced Jace’s bottom lip and Alec hissed in approval when the blood hit his tongue, the taste of the freshly consumed blood mixing with Jace’s unique taste.

He plunged his tongue into Jace’s mouth, ravaging it with forceful thrusts, licking his inner cheeks until all he could taste was Jace. Jace tasted like he always had, it just had a slight metallic flavor to it. A very addictive flavor and Alec couldn’t help the moan. The fact that Jace just kissed back, even more that Jace let Alec kiss him in all the ways he wanted, turning his head under the slightest pressure in the direction Alec wanted him to, soothed Alec further. With a reluctant groan, Alec drew away. Jace’s kissing had become a little edgy. Alec knew what he needed. More blood.

He stared Jace into the eyes while he brought his own wrist to his mouth. His fangs were still out, he hadn’t bothered to retract them. He didn’t release Jace from his gaze while he bit down on his wrist, tearing the veins open until a steady stream of his own blood spilled.

“Drink,” he commanded again and Jace didn’t need to be told twice. With a sound halfway between a moan and a whimper, Jace sealed his lips over Alec’s wrist and started to drink.

If Jace had thought the blood of the bags tasted better than everything he had so far digested, Alec’s blood was intoxicating. It was richer, it was spicier. It was Alec’s. And that was what made it so addictive. For the first time, he truly understood why Alec hadn’t been able to stop when he had drunk from him. Jace wasn’t sure if he himself would ever stop, especially when he pictured Alec starting to palm him and urge him on to carry on. He didn’t regret his decision. But he regretted that he had forced Alec. 

Alec gasped when Jace’s lips sealed around his wrist. Jace started out nearly tenderly, but Alec could tell when his taste hit Jace’s taste buds for the first time, as all gentleness left and was replaced by needy gulps and little moans. Alec threw his head back, not able to suppress his own moans. The way Jace sucked his blood felt intimate and intense, nearly painful. With every suck, with every drop of blood that Jace was taking from him, Alec felt something was given in return. Since he had died, there had been a hole in himself. A hole where Jace once had been, securely tied into his own soul. Dying had snapped this bond. But Jace, drinking from him now, gave it back to him. A reconnection to Jace. With every drop that left his wrist, he felt Jace settle into him. It was not exactly the same as their Parabatai Bond. But it definitely was a bond. A thin, not yet fully bloomed bond. But it was one. The bond from a Sire to his Childe. 

“Enough.” It cost Alec a lot to say this and to pull at Jace’s hair to emphasize his order. But he started to feel dizzy and he needed to stay in control. The feeling of Jace drinking from him was kind of addictive. He feared that with Jace stopping, the first tentative connection between them would snap and leave him cracked open. But when Jace’s fangs snapped back and, after licking tenderly over the wound, Jace drew away, the bond stayed. It was not the humming they were both used to. It was more a purr. A little darker than the sparkling tones. A little more like the predators they were now. But it was there and it was demanding. It wouldn’t settle with a little kissing and a little blood drinking. It wanted more. And so did Alec. 

With a hiss he was on Jace again, his lips claiming Jace’s once again. He licked away the last traces of blood - his own traces - before he tore with his sharp fingernails at Jace’s shirt until he reached naked skin. With an impatient snarl, he made Jace discard the ripped shirt, allowing Alec to admire his full naked chest. The altered runes looked stunning and Alec couldn’t help but trace them with his sharp fingernail, following the golden lines that enclosed the red. The most stunning was their Parabaftai rune. It was divided - half the sparkling silver of Alec’s runes, the other part Jace’s red and gold. Without hesitation Alec bit down on Jace’s former Flexibility rune on his left pec, relishing the strangled sound Jace made. He would soon test if Jace really needed that rune. He felt Jace’s hands in his hair, pulling him closer. 

Alec bit just lightly, not drawing blood, just piercing Jace’s skin a little, before he grew gentler, the biting turning into sucking until he peppered Jace’s skin with soft kisses. Jace’s skin was cold, just as his own lips were. But strangely it didn't feel unfamiliar. It was as if his lips recognized Jace as his own. And somehow Jace was _his_ again. Probably had never been anything else. 

Jace followed the push willingly until he lay on his back when Alec got impatient with just kissing his chest and upper body. Before Jace could really wrap his head around what was happening, Alec had already opened Jace’s belt and pulled his pants down. To his surprise Jace didn’t wear underwear. Not to his surprise, Jace was already rock hard. Matching his own cock, that strained painfully against his jeans. 

“Really, Jace? No underwear?” Alec was quick to immobilize Jace, pressing his hands next to his ears. But before Jace could answer, Alec silenced him successfully with a bruising kiss. The purr between them grew louder when Jace started to buck his hips, seeking friction. 

“Fuck. I need you, Alec.” Jace moaned when his sensitive cock brushed over the rough fabric of Alec’s jeans. Though Jace was completely naked now, Alec hadn’t bothered to undress himself. And somehow that turned both of them on even more. 

“Do you, Jace? Do you know what _I_ need now?” Alec gripped Jace’s hips, so hard he definitely would leave marks, and pressed Jace down, hindering him from moving while he pushed himself up, so that Jace didn’t get any pressure on his cock. 

“Me?” Jace looked up at Alec pleadingly. Hopefully. And with just a hint of insecurity. 

“I,” Alec looked down at Jace pointedly, rolling his hips once to emphasize but retreating instantly so that Jace huffed with need, “I need you to do what I say. Otherwise we will end this right now.” 

Jace tried to buck his hips again upwards, but Alec’s grip was bruising and unforgiving. _Fuck._ Weren’t fledglings supposed to be stronger than older Vampires? Apparently not when it came to Alec. 

So all Jace could do was declare his defeat by nodding. Not that he really minded. The look on Alec’s face was way better than the one before, when Alec had been on the edge of relief and fury. Now he looked like a cat about to fuck the canary. And as he was the canary, he was totally on board with that. 

Alec rolled his hips one last time before rolling off Jace, who just wanted to whine in protest at the loss of his Parabatai’s weight when Alec wrapped his hand around Jace’s throbbing dick. 

“Fuck,” Jace hissed at the feeling. Alec didn't leave him time to adjust to the sudden pleasure, he just started to pump him at a quick, relentless pace. 

“Finger yourself open.” Alec turned his wrist, smiling when he heard the lustful moan Jace couldn’t suppress and the huff that followed directly afterwards at his command. 

“Or what?” Jace hoped that Alec would threaten him with going in dry, because all he wanted was to feel Alec right _fucking_ now. But of course Alec didn’t, as he knew too well what Jace was thinking. 

“Or that.” Alec’s delicious hand around his cock was gone as quickly as it had arrived and Alec was not touching him at all. Nowhere. A state that was definitely not a good one. 

“Fine.” Jace pouted but he complied, sucking two of his digits into his mouth, coating them with saliva before he planted his feet on the ground and reached between his legs. 

“Slowly.” Alec grinned when he saw Jace’s eyeroll, but when Alec saw that Jace shoved only one finger in, he rewarded Jace with his hand back on his cock. “Good Vampire,” Alec whispered in Jace’s ear. Jace turned his head to be able to look at Alec, while his finger pushed inside him with steady thrusts, loosening himself. But he heard the edge in Alec’s voice.

“I’m sorry, Alec. I truly am. But I couldn’t live like that. I just couldn't.” Jace pleaded now with Alec for real. Hoping to be forgiven. When Alec’s eyes softened and he leaned in so that their lips nearly touched, relief flooded Jace’s body. 

“I know. I forgive you. I already have. It’s fine. _We_ will be fine.” Alec closed the gap between them and the kiss was sweet and soft. No biting or bruising this time. Just tender. Jace melted into the kiss. The sensations of Alec’s soft nibbling - his hand around his cock, that was way less gentle than his lips, his own finger in his ass - was nearly overwhelming. He really needed Alec now. He added his second finger impatiently, glad that Alec let it slide. He really wanted to do what Alec said. He wanted to show him that he cared, that Alec was his world. When his two fingers slid in and out of himself easily, he bit lightly down on Alec’s bottom lip.

“Please, Alec.” Alec had never been good at saying no to Jace and he wouldn’t start now. He spit in his hand to coat his cock before he positioned himself between Jace's wide open legs, quickly shrugging off his clothes. Sometimes Vampire speed was a blessing. With one forceful thrust he pushed into Jace, drawing a broken moan out of both of them. The purring roared up.

Every time Alec pulled out just to push into Jace’s body again, made the bond between them more solid. Every shove made it more palpable. Every slap from naked skin on naked skin when Alec’s balls smacked against Jace’s ass sealed their bond more. Made the roaring louder. More intense. More intimate.

When Alec angled his thrusts a little and hit his Parabatai's prostate, Jace screamed. Alec just grinned and aimed for the spot now every time, swallowing Jace’s next scream with a kiss. In return, Jace started to clench down on Alec’s cock, knowing too well how mad that drove Alec. How much closer this would force Alec towards the edge. Where he was about to fall off as well soon. 

Alec took Jace’s head slightly to expose his neck. Of course there was no pulse visible. Their hearts weren’t beating anymore. Not for real. Just for each other. So maybe even more real than when they had been alive. But even without a pulse, Alec knew that underneath the soft flesh of Jace’s throat lay his delicious blood. His delicious Vampire blood. While his hips still snapped forward at a maddening pace, Alec bent over to bury his fangs in Jace’s throat. The moment his teeth pierced the skin, he heard Jace moan and he felt him spasm, spilling all over their bellies. 

Alec managed to suck twice before he felt his own orgasm closing in and with another forceful thrust, he came, buried deep inside Jace. He swallowed another mouthful of blood before he drew away with a whimper. But he knew he couldn’t drink more. Jace needed the blood. He was still a fledgling and soon his need for blood would surface again. Instead, he kissed Jace before he collapsed down on him. But he didn’t make any move to slip out of Jace. Jace’s arms wrapped around him and pulled him even closer. 

Alec propped himself up on his elbows. Jace really looked beautiful. Now even more than when he had emerged from the grave. Because now, he looked wrecked. He looked _his_ again. He _felt_ his again. Their newly formed bond was pulsing contentedly and reassuringly between them. It felt different to their Parabatai bond. But it didn’t feel weaker. The tunes were a little darker, but not less warm. Not less tempting. Just different. 

“Do you feel it, too?” Alec asked while looking down on Jace, starting to card through his hair.

“Yes. It’s like our bond.” Jace answered in awe, his arms tightening around Alec’s waist. “Different, but I feel you again, Alec. I truly feel you!”

Alec nodded, his eyes shining with the same awe. “It’s a Sire bond. I never thought it would feel so similar.”

“That’s because it’s us, Alec. No matter what _we_ are, we will always be _us.”_

Alec smiled at him. “Yes. We are us. And you are a very hungry fledgling. Here, drink.” Alec helped Jace to hold his head up, before he pressed another blood bag to Jace’s lips. Jace gulped it down hungrily. He hadn’t realized how hungry he had been. He also hadn’t realized how much better Alec’s blood tasted. 

When the bag was empty his lips were coated in blood and shone reddish in the moonlight. His fangs were still visible. He was still hungry. He smiled thankfully when Alec pushed another bag into his mouth. He drank equally greedily. Just when he had emptied the third, he felt the hunger in him sated. Though another hunger emerged again. He shifted slightly, pleased that Alec was still inside him and didn’t seem to want to pull out anytime soon. He started to circle his hips slightly while his hand reached between their bodies. Unsurprisingly, his cock was already half hard again.

“And what are you?” Jace grinned up at him. “Besides a very horny Vampire who is getting hard _in_ me again.” Jace was very well aware that his circling had achieved his goal.

“I’m your Sire, Jace. And you know what the good thing is? For once, you have to listen to me. Because I am your Sire and you are my Childe. And as you are mine, you have to listen to me. Vampire rules.” 

Jace just laughed, a low and very sexy laugh. “Have you met me, Alec? I love to break rules.” 

“I think that’s just because you didn’t have the right teacher so far.” Alec started to cant his hips and thrust lazily into Jace, purposefully missing his prostate every time. When Jace tried to shift to force another angle, Alec pressed him down again, adding another mark on Jace’s hips. 

“And because I am your Sire, I am stronger, Jace. At least for now.” Alec grinned at him wickedly, looking now like the cat who had already fucked the canary and was about to do it again.

“That’s abusing your power.” Jace huffed in playful annoyance but surrendered to Alec’s grip and thrusts, taking what Alec was offering him. He felt that Alec still needed this and he was glad to give it. 

“Maybe. But all’s fair in love and war. And this is both.” Alec grinned again and Jace laughed. 

“Okay. I’ll be good. My _Sire_ .” Jace said _Sire_ like he had said _baby_ , with a rough, throaty voice that Alec had heard Jace only using with him. Only when calling him _baby_ or _Alec_ with that special meaning. 

“Oh, I bet you will be.” Alec missed Jace’s prostate with the next thrust just to make a point before he bent down and started to kiss Jace - and started to fuck Jace for real. Jace grabbed Alec’s ass to pull him in, and, to make a point on his own, he tried out his new, sharp Vampire nails, piercing Alec’s smooth skin on his ass. He grinned when he heard the small yelp, grinned even more when this didn’t slow Alec down in the slightest - on the contrary, Alec picked up speed. Jace wrapped his legs around Alec’s waist to draw him even closer, to feel Alec’s cock pounding into him as much as he could. If this was his reward, Jace definitely would be good. As long as they were together, everything was. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for leaving comments or kudos 💙

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Inspired by ‘The Furthest From Heaven, the Closest to Hell’](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28966320) by [Jessa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jessa/pseuds/Jessa)




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